i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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