My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
