What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
