woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
