Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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