I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
