One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
