we're blogging at a bar
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
