So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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