I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
