dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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