i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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