Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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