I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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