He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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