Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
