u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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