i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
