now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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