sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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