if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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