is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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