Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
