I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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