I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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