Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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