im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
