We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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