if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mom said you looked used
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
