I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
