They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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