Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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