Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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