why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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