I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
