the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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