Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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