I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
