Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
