His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
