I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
