eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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