he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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