Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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