I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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