so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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