What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
