your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
