I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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