We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think i have herpe
just one?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
