did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
