I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
is it fun? or sober?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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