Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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