Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
