If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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