The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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