Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
