was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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