That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
