I didn't shave. On purpose
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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