Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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