is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
