please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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