She's JV to your varsity
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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