I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are two peas in an std pod
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
