the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
