I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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