I'm so fucking centered right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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