He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
